Am I a Perfectionist? How Do I Know?

(Reading Time: 3 Minutes)

Have you ever asked yourself ‘Am I a perfectionist? How do I know?’ There are a number of key questions that we can ask ourselves when reflecting on our own inner-perfectionist.

• Do things need to be 100% perfect for you to be happy and content in any given situation?
• Do others often say to you that things are never ‘good enough’ for you?
• How do you cope with failure?

It’s highly likely that most of us have some degree of perfectionism within us.  Some of us are very comfortable with this and discuss it at job interviews as a ‘positive-negative’.  Some of us, on the other hand, like to hide this trait and struggle with their discomfort and sense of failure within. 

Nonetheless, it is important for us all to reflect and evaluate our perfectionist characteristic traits so that we can do something about them. Intelligence can be overwhelmed by perfectionist tendencies and it can inhibit people’s progression through life. As outlined in the previous article, perfectionists often suffer from stress and burnout.

Perfectionist Symptoms

Have a read of these six characteristics below, do you recognize any of these?

1. Procrastination: What if I get it wrong?

As outlined in the earlier article it seems ironic that perfectionists are also often procrastinators – but it’s true!   They often over-prepare and spend hours on minor details.  In the worst cases, perfectionists struggle to achieve anything at all for fear of getting it wrong.  This can lead to a cycle of catastrophic thinking. The fact that nothing less than perfection can be tolerated leads to a total loss of perspective that is utterly debilitating.

2. Exist in a constant negative state

Perfectionists often live with a fear of failure. They spend their lives attempting to run away from this eventuality.  As a result, they exist with a negative and fearful mindset. They struggle to find a sense of balance and happiness in their daily existence.  Perfectionists struggle with work/life balance.  They often promise their families that “it will be better next week/next month/next year…” when in actual fact this state will never change until they do.

3. Vulnerability

Many perfectionists hide their vulnerability but significant numbers of them are terrified of failure, being laughed at, being seen as poorly performing. So much of their energy is focused on the end result that this builds momentum over time. Self-imposed standards of what is acceptable weigh heavily so that not achieving is simply not an option.  They struggle to accept constructive criticism and worry about what others think and say.  The end is all that matters, and the journey is something that simply has to be tolerated and endured.

 4. “It’s good, but…..”

Perfectionists are continually in a heightened state of criticism – both of themselves and others.  They pride themselves on their ability to see minor mistakes and hunt them down as markers of their sense of self-worth.  This can impact others negatively, as they struggle to see beyond these tiny, often inconsequential, lapses.  They don’t motivate others.

5. Hidden Self-Loathing

Many perfectionists are crippled by their own sense of self-worth and use their drive to achieve to hide these feelings from others.  They will often suffer from a lack of self-confidence and have a default position which leads them to believe that they are constantly being negatively judged by others.  Occasionally, at vulnerable moments, you may see a chink in their armor which can show their vulnerability to others.  They often worry about what others think of them.

6. Struggle with what is realistic

Perfectionists set the bar unreasonably high and this leads to disappointment and negativity.  They struggle to relax and move from one position of failure to another.  On the occasion that they achieve their goals, this high is swiftly replaced with the next goal.  They do not take the time to reflect and celebrate their achievements and often report being constantly tired.

These are just some of the characteristic traits of perfectionism, and by no means an exhaustive list.

In addition, psychologists now accept that there are three types of perfectionism, some of which may resonate with you:

1. Self-orientated perfectionism – this is where an individual imposes on themselves the need to be perfect.
2. Socially-prescribed perfectionism – this is where an individual believes or perceives that others expect them to be perfect.
3. Other-orientated perfectionism – this is where an individual expects others to be perfect.

Do any of these seem familiar to you?

If some of the traits outlined in this article seem familiar to you, don’t fret!  As with all journeys of self-improvement the first part of the journey is to recognize the issue so that something can be done about it.  Take action to overcome maladaptive perfectionism. With work, we are all capable of this. Have a read of the next article in the series for how to approach this.

Further Reading

Interested to find out more?

What is Perfectionism (Definition and Examples)