How to Deal With Your Emotions While Going Through a Crisis

(Reading Time: 8 Minutes)

We all experience crisis and trauma in our lives at some point. Unfortunately, it’s part of the human experience. It may be a smaller crisis on a personal level – a crisis of faith or an emotional crisis. It may be something that affects your nuclear family, such as the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. It may be something that affects your community at large, such as a natural disaster or an outbreak of disease. Whatever it is, knowing how to deal with your emotions while going through a crisis is a vital skill to have. 

How to Deal With Your Emotions While Going Through a Crisis

As I write this, we’re halfway through March 2020. COVID-19 is sweeping across the world. My city has banned gatherings of more than ten people. My stepson’s school has had their spring break extended from one week to at least three, and it looks likely to go longer. We are being told to practice “social distancing.” The outings that normally provide me with joy and an opportunity to get out of the house – church, my moms group, trips to the library – are all canceled. Shopping trips feel like battles. I’m at home with my kids, unable to do the normal activities, struggling to find routine and make it through something that may last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. 

And I’m mad. 

I’m furious. It’s not directed at anyone – there’s no one person to direct it at – but I’m angry at the situation. I’m angry that we have to choose between putting ourselves and other people at risk or getting to play at the park. I’m angry that I’m having to grab whatever I can from the store because my standard staples are gone. I’m angry that my routine is disrupted and I don’t get to do the things that bring me pleasure. 

I’m sad. I’m sad that my children aren’t going to get to do the fun things I wanted them to do. I’m sad that we had to cancel the trip we had planned for spring break. I’m sad that our outdoor time will be mostly limited to walks and our backyard, instead of time in the spring sunshine at the playground. 

It took me a couple days to realize I was feeling these things. That can happen too – especially, I think, if you’re in a situation where you’re the Responsible Party. While I’m busy putting on a brave face for my family – “It’s okay, we’re going to have a lot of fun! You’ll do your schoolwork at home and we’re going to get to try some new things!” – I’m ignoring my own needs. It wasn’t until I had a moment to sit by myself and let myself think that I realized what I was feeling. 

If you’re dealing with a crisis, first, know that it’s fine to feel what you are feeling. We live in a society where emotional expression is often repressed, and that’s not healthy. 

What Might You Be Feeling?

It’s hard to say what anyone might be feeling in a time of crisis. It’s an individual experience for everyone. Some of the most common emotions, however, tend to be things like:

Anxiety – our brains don’t like it when we don’t know what’s coming. This may cause us to obsess and worry over things outside of our control. You might find it helpful to look at the “what ifs” and consider what you might do in that situation. Make it as big and dramatic a “what if” as possible. “What if people turned into zombies and I had to fight my way through to meet up with my family and friends, and we had to survive by raiding grocery stores and taking over a deserted prison?” It can help you realize that things aren’t that bad, or feel better prepared over the “what ifs.” As someone who suffers from anxiety myself, I also find that when my brain starts spiraling, a few deep breaths and a gentle reminder that my brain is just uncertain of what’s going on, and it’s perfectly acceptable not to have all the answers, can help pull me out of the spiral.  

Anger – being unable to control a situation often leads to feelings of powerlessness, which can in turn lead to anger. If you find yourself feeling angry, take a deep breath and ask yourself why. Often, you will find that it comes down to feeling like you have no control over the situation. Remember – you may not be able to control the situation, but you can control your response to the situation. 

Sorrow, grief – it’s totally okay to be sad! It’s okay to miss the way life has been. Even when we’re experiencing something happy, it’s totally normal for us to grieve the way things were. When I became pregnant with my daughter, I was thrilled and excited and happy – but at the same time, I mourned my old life. I knew everything was changing and would never be the same. It’s totally normal to feel this way when a big life event happens, even if you’re happy about it. 

Relief – this is something commonly felt in situations such as when you have a relative who has been ill for a long time, and they are approaching the end of their life or have passed. You may feel appalled to feel relieved that they have passed or are about to, but it’s very normal. The knowledge that they are no longer suffering, and you are not going to have to worry about them, often causes a sense of relief. Many people feel guilty about experiencing this, but it is something most people feel – you’re not a monster for being relieved someone is no longer suffering.

Depression – this can range from a temporary glumness to long-term, chronic inability to do and feel normal things. If it’s a shorter-term version, start lifting it by getting out for a walk. Moving will amp up your blood flow and promote the release of endorphins. If nothing you do seems to lift it, or you just don’t have the energy to even begin to do things you normally find pleasurable, this is the time to consult a mental health professional. 

This is really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to emotions. They can run the gamut – and virtually all of them can be considered normal responses. 

Related: What is a Mantra and How Do I Perform One?

Expressing Your Emotions (Healthily)

The first step, when you’re going through a crisis, is to let yourself actually acknowledge your emotions.

You may need to journal. You may just grab a piece of paper off the printer and start writing, or open up a note on your phone. You may need to call up a trusted friend or talk to your partner and let them know you’re trying to work out your own emotions, and they don’t necessarily need to respond, you just need them to listen. A lot of this will depend on if you’re an internal processor or an external processor.

However you choose – let yourself have that time to acknowledge that yes, you feel these feelings. 

The next thing to keep in mind is that feelings are neither good nor bad – feelings are neutral. Our response to our feelings is what turns it into “good” or “bad.” If we feel angry about our situation, and we express and direct that anger by lashing out at our family members, that is not a good situation. 

Recognizing and naming your feelings helps give you power over them. By denying our feelings this recognition, we find ourselves suffering. For example – before I acknowledged the feelings I had about having to stay at home, I found myself irrationally furious that my husband had left a gym bag in our closet. Our closet is so small, he should know not to leave this giant bag here, I internally raged. Ugh! Why do I bother cleaning anything? I’m going to make him deal with this! 

Now, having had the time to pause and reflect, I recognize that my irritation wasn’t about my husband leaving his gym bag on the floor (again). It was the result of being mad at the other situations in my life, but not taking the time to acknowledge how I felt. 

Asking ourselves “why” is also invaluable. Take on the mindset of a four-year-old, and ask yourself “why” about everything. 

Coming Up With An Action Plan

Now that you have acknowledged the emotions exist, it’s time to figure out how you’ll deal with them moving forward. Do you need to stay busy? Do you need to focus on handling things one day at a time? 

When you’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions, try not to make any rash decisions. This is not the time to sell or buy a house, break up with your partner, change jobs. 

If you choose to attempt to distract yourself, try to avoid any options that could spiral into something unhealthy. Eating for comfort sounds like a good idea (indeed, when you’re stressed your body wants carbohydrates because it can use them as a building block for cortisol, the stress hormone), but binge eating is not healthy. Having a single drink might seem like a good idea, but too many turns into alcoholism.

I spent five and a half years working in a jail. While I can’t give you a direct source or linked study (I’m a writer, not a social scientist), I know from experience that the root cause of many drug and alcohol addictions is a lack of emotional coping skills. People seek relief from their emotional pain, so they find something that numbs it or takes it away temporarily – but when that wears off, it comes back. Having healthy emotional coping mechanisms in place – preferably before a crisis occurs – will only benefit you in the long run.

Healthy Ways to Cope

What are healthy ways to cope?

• Journaling or drawing
• Meditation, breathing exercises
• Reading
• Exercise – walking, running, weightlifting
• Creative hobbies

Your healthy coping mechanism will be individual to you. You should be able to retain some interest in activities you enjoy.

Some days, you may find yourself overwhelmed at the thought of the day – and that’s all right too. Scale your day down to smaller chunks. Instead of focusing on “I’m going to get through this day,” focus on “I’m going to get through this hour.” If that still seems too long, it’s okay to get through the next minute, or the next breath. 

NOTE: If you find yourself in a place where it’s difficult to enjoy activities, participate in life, or even get out of the bed in the morning – that’s a different situation entirely. That is depression, and you need to go consult a doctor. Having been through that dark valley myself, I know it’s hard to feel like you can summon up the energy to seek treatment, but I promise, it’s worth it.

I found this list of coping methods that I really liked. I also really liked this document about emotional response to crisis.

Your individual methods of coping may not look like anyone else’s. Recognizing and acknowledging your emotions, however, is a vital skill to have in times of crisis. Instead of being blinded by suppressed emotions (remember my gym bag example?), learning to recognize when there is something deeper going on will help you process what you’re feeling and move forward. Sometimes, that might be as simple as taking a deep breath and acknowledging your feelings exist, before choosing to move past them. 

Personally, as I find myself with more time on my hands than usual, I am finding myself coping by having a family schedule, setting daily goals, and making a list of all those things I’ll “get around to doing.” I’m acknowledging my feelings, I’m journaling, and I’m taking my days in small chunks. This, like everything else, will pass.