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As we get older, many of us start to notice subtle changes in the way we feel about life. Our threshold for contentment and life satisfaction shifts. Our view of the world changes and our values change. This can involve different aspects of our lives such as career, family and friendships, leisure time, general outlook, sense of spirituality, and place in the world.
We begin to notice the ebb and flow of our changing emotional state. Elements of our lives that were once fundamental to our existence no longer seem to matter as much. Other things that we once found immensely satisfying, rewarding, and fulfilling no longer have the same depth of personal resonance. This can also work the other way, and we discover passions we never knew we possessed.
Why?
Well, that’s because, sometimes, our values change. These feelings are our values at work.
Values are at the center of our being
All of us need to be connected with and aware of our values. They are the touchstone of our existence.
It’s surprising how many people have never really given their values much thought. Conversely, many people think that they are aware of them, yet they have just identified with something that they find appealing, feel is acceptable, or sounds impressive to others. Identifying your values is more sophisticated than this, and while it’s relatively straightforward, it does take a bit of focussed time and effort.
You will often hear people talk about integrity, honesty, and trust as their key values. This is great, and while it may be the case for some people, it’s certainly not for all of us. It’s possible and personally beneficial to look at values on a more granular level. We can work out what makes us tick as individuals by being much more specific.
Many of us have not realized that unless our values are met, we are going to struggle to be truly happy. Hence why we need to know what our values are so that we can ensure that we remain true to them.
Values: A definition
In short, your values are the things that you think are important in the way you chose to live your life. They apply to both personal and professional spheres.
They are that ‘feelgood’ (sometimes ‘feelbad’) metric that sits in the pit of your stomach and tugs at your heart now and then. Often people are subconsciously aware of them but don’t tend to give them too much thought in their own right. They blend into the background of your life, but they are always present. Sometimes they step into the foreground although we do not actively label or recognize them as our ‘values’. You watch something on TV that upsets you — yup, it’s messing with your values. You feel proud of something, the hairs on your arm stand up — that special something is aligning with your values.
Sometimes people can struggle to identify them clearly and precisely. This is relatively common. On top of this, there is no fully comprehensive, definitive list of values. It is up to you to work out what yours are.
Some examples of values
Values are not prescribed; they are deeply personal. While they remain relatively stable throughout our lives, they can shift and evolve as we grow older and our life experience enriches.
Some examples of values include:
- the need to feel free and able to make entirely your own decisions
- being driven by a need to be kind and generous to all
- being motivated by power or status
- the need to have fun always present in everything you do
- being competitive and wanting to win
- living consciously with thoughts of a higher power and living a pious life according to this
- having healthy living at the center of your existence
- being driven by a desire to seek financial security and wealth.
The list is endless, and there are no right or wrong answers. Your values are entirely personal to you, and it’s up to you how you choose to label or name them.
Although they exist mostly silently in our lives, values are nonetheless incredibly powerful. We should not underestimate their importance. If you reflect, you will see that they govern our lives silently, but they considerably affect our behavior.
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncomfortable with something? Maybe you felt that someone was cruel or unkind to another person. Those are your values giving you a gentle tug on the sleeve.
Why do values matter? Why do we need to know what they are?
Values matter because they underpin our lives like the foundations of a house or the main ingredients of a cake. If they are not met our lives, won’t work the way we want them to.
Prolonged exposure to an environment or a situation where our values are not satisfied, or they are compromised, gives rise to a sense of hopelessness, loss, lethargy, frustration, and, occasionally, anger.
“What’s the point!?” you will sometimes hear people say. Often, people become numb and exist on autopilot. It doesn’t matter how much that fancy-pants job pays; your values cannot be easily bought.
The fact is, if your values aren’t met in your life, you are going to struggle to become fulfilled. This can amplify the obstacles in your life, and you might feel vulnerable and empty.
Conversely, when you satisfy your values, and you get solid terra firma under your feet you can take on the world!
Our tolerance for having our values compromised or unfulfilled seems to lessen as we get older. People often associate a period in midlife with a ‘crisis’.
Piffle. While this might be a period of change, I don’t believe that it’s a crisis. No — it’s a personal revolution! It’s an opportunity to reevaluate and fill your life with things that matter to you.
The refusal to accept the ‘stuff’ that doesn’t make us happy anymore, coupled with a desire to find out what does, is a liberating and empowering life event.
As we get older, the dawning realization that time is short often hits us like a freight train. Time seems to pass by faster and faster. Thus, wasting time is no longer an option, and living a life that accords with our values become a priority — especially in the quest to find personal fulfillment.
What happens when our values change?
Changes to our values are unlikely to be dramatic in terms of classification and are far more likely to be subtle shifts. Nonetheless, the impact of these changes can still be significant. For many people, this happens slowly at first and then gathers momentum over time.
When this happens, it can initially feel like something is awry at the core of your very being. You might feel off-center or out of balance. Over time this can magnify, and things can become intolerable.
When it happens, it can be a scary event. You may feel lost and paralyzed perplexed as to why you think this way. You may feel flat, hopeless, and lacking in energy or enthusiasm. For some, carrying on with such a situation for an indefinite period fills them with despair. This is when some people will say that they feel ‘trapped’.
One professional I worked with wrongly assumed that they had hit their peak, that they had lost their “oomph” and that “that was it” — their career was over. They could no longer focus, their memory was failing them, and they felt empty inside. Meetings, events, and strategies that had once been at the beating heart of their day and had filled them with so much satisfaction now felt boring, absurd, and meaningless.
Why? Yup. You guessed it — because their values had shifted. At first, subtly over time without them realizing but then, later, like a tidal wave gathering momentum, eventually crashing down around their ears.
I am pleased to say that for the person in question this was all very ‘fixable’, and they are now safely ensconced in a new role with joy and fulfillment restored.
What this took was a careful identification of their values, some reflection, and then a pragmatic realignment of things in their life to get back on track. It is possible.
So, what next?
Head on over to this article where we learn how to identify our key values and explore how much they resonate in our current lives. We will then consider the thorny topic of what to do when our values are not being met, they are compromised, or we feel unfulfilled.
In the meantime, reflect on some of your recent experiences and what really matters to you. Start to think about your values and try to identify some of them. How are they are satisfied in your life at present?
