6 Expert Ways to Help Your Teen with Exam Stress

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Everyone feels stressed, anxious and a little freaked out during exams.  Exam stress and exam anxiety are very common.  In fact, it’s perfectly normal and can be healthy if it’s kept firmly in check.  In over 20 years in education, the latter half as a Principal and Executive Principal, I have seen it affect young people from all different backgrounds, from across the ability spectrum.  It is a ‘thing’, it does matter, and our kids need our support in combatting it.

Learning to Cope with Exam Stress

Throughout our lives, we will repeatedly encounter these kinds of pressured situations and it’s crucial that we support our kids to grow accustomed to these events.  After all, most of us will come across some form of stressful driving test, job interview, wedding ceremony, or the birth of a child, for example, which can be equally as testing!

We need to support our children to learn how to cope, flourish, and have a sense of perspective in these demanding situations.  These are critical life skills that will stand them in good stead as they blossom into adulthood and beyond.

This article focuses on how we can help and support our teens and young adults in coping with pressured exam situations and exam stress.

Exam Stress Symptoms

Exam stress and anxiety is a deeply personal set of emotions that affects people in different ways.  Some are grumpy and struggle to engage with other humans, others can surprise us with an almost childlike vulnerability that we thought had been outgrown years before.

There is no definitive set of traits, and exam stress and anxiety can manifest in many ways.  Typical characteristics include:

• Feelings of not being able to cope with revision
• Feeling pressure from home or school
• Fear of failing the exam or not getting the grades needed
• Negative self-talk such as “I can’t do this” or “I am going to fail”
• Loss of perspective, thinking that their whole life will fall apart if they are not a success in the exams
• Fear of letting people down
• Physical symptoms: inability to sleep, over-eating or under-eating, symptoms of anxiety

Exam Stress and Mental Health

For most of these symptoms, the support of a loving family, strong friendships, and a caring school is enough.  For some, things can become more extreme.  If you are concerned with your child’s level of anxiety caused by exam stress it’s important to talk to your medical professional and school to seek more specialist support and advice.  Schools, in particular, are well versed in providing support to young people on an individual basis and will do so with kindness, compassion, and discretion.

Exam Stress Management Techniques and Exam Anxiety Tips

There are lots of things that we can do to help and support our kids in managing their exam stress and anxiety.

Below are six tips for you to help your stressed and anxious child cope on the run up to exam season.

1. Exam Revision: It’s NEVER too late to start

Despite what schools might tell you, it’s never too late to start revising.

Yes – we’ll repeat that.

It’s. Never. Too. Late. To. Start. Revising.

Granted, of course, it’s better to be organized well in advance but some people just don’t work like that.  (Sure, we could call this procrastination – but that’s a chat for another day.)

The issue is that too many kids give up before even walking into the exam hall because they worry that they have only left themselves a week or so to revise, and they have this doom and gloom sense of “it’s over before it’s even begun” ingrained in their psyche. Wrong.  Even on the day before the exam, you can still make a difference.

I’ll probably get shot for saying this, but every year I see young people fly who have done months of revision, AND I see young people fly who have only done a couple of weeks – sometimes even less.  The most important point in this is that it’s all about attitude  – more about this below.

So, if you are a parent, or a student for that matter, who is panicking because they haven’t yet started to revise:

Stop worrying right now – it’s a waste of time.

Instead, channel your energies into starting your revision.

It’s important that we are calm about this.  Even if you are worried that the revision has been left too late, stop fretting.  Get organised and get started.

2. Have a Revision Strategy

Revision Timetable

No doubt revision timetables are a great idea.  They help manage time more effectively.

Some really good examples can be found at:

BBC Bitesize

Get Revising

The Exam Coach

If you are concerned about time, don’t waste hours on this.  Instead, simply get a weekly calendar like this one here and use this instead.  Add the following details to it:

• the dates and times of the exams
• any important events
• school/college times!

Then use the rest of the time available to schedule revision sessions.  There is lots of advice about how to do this but it really is down to personal preference.

In my profession opinion, there are three main rules:

• You must plan in regular breaks. The length of the session is personal to individuals but breaks are a must. Be realistic about what can be achieved.
• Prioritize subjects according to personal importance and need.
• Target sessions according to the time that exams occur.  So, for example, if the first exams are English and French focus on these first.

Make a big deal of crossing things out when they have been completed, and celebrate the sense of achievement.

As a parent, helping your teen get organized in this way can be fundamental in changing their attitude.  Immediately they can go from feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, to feeling in control and that they have a plan they can follow. Gently check in with them to see how their timetable is going and see if there is anything else that you can do to help. Be careful here that you don’t put any pressure on.

How to Revise

A lot of young people struggle with HOW to revise.  Basically, revision is:

• memorizing facts, figures and dates and
• rehearsing strategies on how to structure answers by using specific techniques.

There are lots of techniques that can be used, and again this will be personal.  Some good strategies to try include (make sure you click on the links):

The use of mnemonics – This is simply where information is turned into an easier format to help you remember it e.g. Naughty Elephants Squirt Water to help recall North, East, South, West

Pegging – This is where ‘mental hooks’ are created to help information recall. For example, it’s a great idea to familiarize yourself with the exam hall, you can then use different features in the room to ‘peg’ information on to.  For example, in a Geography exam, you may be able to look at the door and remember the structure of the rainforest by visualizing different aspects of the door.  I know it sounds crazy, but it really does work.

Using cue cards – to recall key facts.

There are lots of other strategies, such as these from The Confident Teacher.  Try them out and see what works.  Most importantly, take action – even if it is late in the day.

3. Set up an ‘Exam Team’

One of the toughest things associated with exam anxiety and exam stress is the loneliness and vulnerability that comes with it.  Many young people feel totally isolated and alone.

One of the best ways to combat this is to set up a fun, lighthearted ‘exam team’ where ‘everyone is in this together’.  Now, you need to be very careful not to add more pressure to the person taking exams, but instead, make them feel that they are not alone and that everyone is there to help and support them.

The exam team can do a range of things:

• Make sure that the evening meal is ready at an agreed time so as not to interfere with the revision timetable.  The meal could be their favorite food.
• Everyone goes to bed at the same time.  Set a good example so that everyone is refreshed in the morning.
• Put the revision timetable up somewhere and celebrate the achievement as each day passes, this is about putting one foot in front of the other and simply ‘getting through’.
• Put cue cards with important facts in silly places to make them laugh – like on the inside of the toilet lid, on the back door, on the washing machine.  I recall a time at university when a student friend of mine, who was studying Arabic, put some key phrases around our hall of residence – we all learned a surprising amount of Arabic that week!
• Check-in on them regularly to ensure that they are OK.  Tell them that you love them and are proud of them no matter what.
• Be clear that this about the whole family supporting one another. Be positive and be proud of their achievements.  You could organize a celebration event for when the exams are over.

4. Help them to be Organized

Helping your son or daughter to feel in control during the exam period is really important.  This is about:

• making sure that they get enough sleep
• ensuring that they have the right equipment to take to school or College for the examinations
• helping them to arrive at their exams in plenty of time so that they can feel ready to start.

I have seen young people rush into exams late, usually in tears, because they overslept, couldn’t find their basic equipment, or missed the bus.  Plan to make sure that this does not happen.

Everyone will need some basic equipment to use in the exam room.  The school or college should give out a list of what is needed.  Make sure that this is organized in advance in a transparent pencil case.  Water will also need to be a clear plastic bottle.

You can do things for them to help them get organized, remove some stress and make their life easier.

5. Help them maintain a sense of perspective

Richard Branson dropped out of school at 16.

Lord Alan Sugar has the equivalent of 1 GCSE.

Steven Spielberg was rejected from studying film at university three times.

Read the Independent article which outlines more of these stories here.

The fact is that, yes – of course, exams are important, but they are not everything.  There are millions of people all around the world who have become incredibly successful without having great grades.

Its vitally important that you help your son or daughter realize this and accept it.  Having perspective during exam season is critical.  Don’t let your child loose time to worry, fear and anxiety.  Your child needs to know that you are going to help and support them to do their best, but that actually you will still love them and be proud of them no matter what they achieve.

6. Attitude is the most important factor

Thomas Edison gifted us one of the greatest quotes for exam preparation:

“Genius is 1% Inspiration and 99 % Perspiration.”

This is true.  Every year I see young people who are incredibly bright really struggle with exams because they have the wrong attitude – they feel that they are going to fail before they enter the room, they worry, they stress, they are not organized enough, they are not in the right frame of mind. Their anxiety gets in the way of productivity.

Conversely, I see kids who may be less traditionally academic do really well because they approach the exams in a calm and methodical fashion, continuously taking action and moving forwards.  It is common for the latter to outperform the former.

As we have discussed above, even if it’s late in the day it’s never too late to put in some hard work.

The truth is that a person’s attitude towards the exams really does matter.  As Henry Ford said

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

As parents it’s really important to help our children secure not only a sense of perspective but also a positive mindset.  This is about having a culture of positivity, where failure is seen as a positive part of the learning process.

For those who feel it might be too late to start adjusting their family culture lets look at the facts:

• The exam system is about testing what you know – not testing what you don’t know.
• Most examiners are teachers.  They want you to do well.
• It really is just an exam. The world is not going to come to an end. Life will go on.  Worse things really do happen.
• The system is there to celebrate your successes and achievements.

Talk with your kids about this, show them that exams really are just a tiny step in the journey of life.  Reassure them often.

Final Thoughts

I think it’s important to highlight that parents will often feel the pressure of exams too: we want our children to do well, we worry about their welfare, we want to help but are not often sure how to do it.  I hope that this article has been helpful and has given you some tips and actionable steps that you can take.  Please share your learning below and let us know of anything else that you have found helpful.

On a personal level, I suffered terribly from exam stress and anxiety and I wish that I had been able to get a greater handle on this.  I think that being a perfectionist was one of my biggest issues. I now understand the difference between being a perfectionist and a high achiever – I just wish that I had learned this sooner!  The good news is that there are lots that we can do as modern-day parents to equip our kids with the right skills so that exams really don’t have to be a terrifying ordeal. These skills will also be of benefit in other areas of their lives too.

For those looking for something more to share with their kids have a look at this helpful leaflet from Childline – Beat Exam Stress.

If the 16-year-old me was here now reading this she’d be worrying ‘Does this woman know what she’s talking about?!’

Well, Holly, yes I do.

I am an expert in this.

Now stop fretting and wasting time.

Go sock it to them.

You are enough.

Life is about more than letters next to your name.❤️